As i was walking home just now...i had the longest thought through out the entire journey. I donnoe y but suddenly i just miss someone i never tot i wld miss. Mr Kuna. Now that wen i really gave it a tot...he had been the only teacher who had ever believed and had the conficence in me or for that matter prolly the only person.. even wen i really felt i didnt have any...i miss that. i really miss tat feeling that someone was counting on you.. someone really trusted you to do the job and you knew you could do it. you knew you were the right person to be approached..hakz..now..i donnoe who to believe anymore..all ive got is bee to have faith in me..but i doonoe y i dont really feel like i cld do things even wen bee believed in me... but Mr kuna...hez something you noe.
I remembered one time wen i let him down though..haha..he put me up fer this englisf speaking com dat i didnt noe nutthing bout. i rejected this profusely...he didnt gave up..he kept telling me im in and ive to go..but due to the lack of my own confidence.. i didnt went. till todae i still feel a tinge of guilt. haiz...sorrie cherr... shld hv just went and did my best. sorrie.
i donnoe y ive been doing so many self reflections nowadaes...but i love reflecting on my paradoxicated life though....its one of my hobbies. Bee.ur prolly my paradox too..hu knew..id end up wit someone like u...
But u'll just sit tight
and watch it unwind
Its only what ur asking for
and ull be fine
with all of ur time
its only what ur waiting for.
-vertical horizon,everything you want-
I love you monster...
-Paradoxical-
Sometimes you think you lost something so precious wit ur frens but then all you gotta do is just a simple sms to get back that same feeling..a little effort is all it takes.I miss my frens...eversince, i figured i shouldnt need them in my life..but i was wrong. Friends are essential to me. Theyere the good and the bad of you. They represent you in some ways or another.haiz.frenz. hekz.
Tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
I cant do much
And my scars remind me
That the past is real
I tear my heart open
Just to feel
-PapaRoach, Scars-
People hu dont have a social life..are actually very boring people ..
and I feel im one of dem...
ouhh..i need to get out and get MESSY!! nope..not wit you bee..not wit you.
-Paradoxical
TOdae i went out to get my belated bdae present..the first thiing that came to my mind..was dis Esprit wallet wit the butterfly on it...den...we went round town in search fer it..but it was outta stock...But den i saw this butterfly watch it was in many colours..i especially love the white and green one..but it was $80++ SO...i didnt think it was within the budget..so it gotta pass..BUT I HOPE SOMEONE WLD GET IT FER ME....pls..pwetty pls......
After lunch went to tangs..broused thru Island shop and tangs shoe but still i cldnt get anithing.. was pretty choosy but was still excited..so went to heeren..went to the former ANNEX den was circling the place...i saw the MTV mp3...of coz over da budget but i was willing to chip in..coz i really wanted that thing... but den again..i didnt think it was werth it..but i wldnt mind it...yes..i passed fer it..SO went round...went in to 77th street... hmmm...nothing..nothing at all..got out and went down to MAMBO...lotsa nice things..but but but idonnoe y but the buts were there. So i went next down one more level to Nike..it was nice...lotsa wants there..but we didnt even go into the shop so i was like..nah...i don think so.
THEN! we went next door to CONVERSE! haha...the new arrivals were on display...a black PVC sling bag in 3 colours caught my eye...so i tried it on me..and saed, not bad..checked the price..PERFECT! SO I BROUSED THRU THE RACK....i saw a white based pvc BAG with green AHEM!..lime green lining hehe ...aND AT THAT INSTANT I WANTED IT!!! but then practically of coz anyone wld have gotten the black and slinged one ofcoz...but its pwetty common and i don think i have much things to carry lah....besides, it matches my room.
So the most inevitable thing happened next..WE BOUGHT THE BAG!!!!! hehe..yeahh... my bdae present...a bag...a really funky colour bag..haha..i love my bag..i love my stuff! I told bee i got a bag...and his instant reaction was...BAG LAGI AYANG.... i was like..lawah tauuu.... then he was like..yerlah...i tau. hmph..wadever bee...its my present..! hmph! [i still love u though..]
After that we went to the all dae sale beside ORCHARD EMERALD i saw that B.U.M bag that i wanted to buy....but mak mok said..i shld dave the money to but my shoes instead...hehe..nvm.achik still owes me a present..HANG ON baggie...MAMAZ coming...coming soon fer you honey...HANG ON!!!!
Love bee...alwaes will........though you nag at me bout muh shopping and diet...and my brownie.. MONSTER!!!
-Paradoxical-
Werking after so many days of not werking...hekz...what a wretch...! i was caught up wit my stuff at werk.. packing sticks..dadida...den i remembered..it was gonna be our 6 mths soon..hekz....so fast ehh... den i drop my werk, did a whole and a half long sms containing my poem. Hehe.. it was kinda cool but i noe it was a bit off lah...so long nvr rite poem oready marr... but he appreciated it...hehe..he better!
Todae sales was not good but better than every other week.....haizz...kesian sey...but no one sey..i oso cannot do anything.. gee weez.
This past few daes, ive bee thinking alot bout my past...well, in particular was the moments i had my firsts...GEEZ.. bad..bad...but i tot i saw him though juz now at the mrt station ...haha...hehe. chukz to da side.
Now bout my sisterz bloggie..apparently thers been some gal hu thinks dat this werld belongs to her...gg ard and cursing other ppls mother and blaming my sister for sth she didnt do. Gosh...you had no idea how ideally rude we were to each other. I lost it she scolded my ma. WHOM HASNT GOT ANYTHING TO DO AT ALL WIT THIS MATTER. honestly if it were all fer a guy..................Shez eeeemmmmbarrassing herself....n i could not press on that more. All this to impress a guy..or defend a guy..waste of time...........Ur guy noes hw to take care of his own shits himself...n DON hurt his ego bitch...ur doing it rong... Btw...i don even noe dis gerls age...watta pity..the name is ADRINA... hey...NADIA is nicer rite... hekz...wadever...
ina..ina...CLICHE...! nad.nad..Different..unique...weird..and most of all...PARADOXICAL.
cant wait to be in contact wit this gerl..........wad more lies is she comin up wit..
F**K You B***ch!!
-paradoxical-
haha...sorie bout da vulgies...but she really is a bitch! .
Well todae was a boring dae...i have never started out a dae as dull as todae..well, there were worst daes wen i just slept all dae...great huh..but not too healthy though...i get very lazy and ohh..wadda hell im always lazy. hahakz. so this is me.....just another blab bout muh dae... Todae, i woke up at 1pm. Well, dad was coming back back from jakarta so i wasnt really into cleaning up da house kinda thing wit muh mom.. so i left for skool. took my o cert and met muh kids at JBS..ohh..wished i cld have stayed longer but i was loosing place wit them..so i decided to leave. Sometimes, i do wanna get back at my old place there and live it up again..but i realised..im different. i cld never be like them...our ways..our beliefs. well ...i am understanding,open and all that sorts. but i gotta start restricting myself somewhere. guesse ive screwed too well last yr..so i gotta start again. I must. i just wish i don get too demanding ppl ard me to often or i cld loose it. i definitely will.:) Well, been starting out on my history...still got muh SS and stuff...Determined not to screw up again so i m werking my ass..just 2 subjects...im sure..insyallah..i can do it..though..i hope...my maths cld do a lil pull up..wit me pushing it of coz..i hope..or rather i MUST. Honestly, i cant wait to get into my new skool and stuff.im kinda getting sick living at home n werking...its almost getting to me..i wanna be a student again...well going to be....i wanna continue...continue on...hakz..ill make it..insyallah..i noe i will. coz i must. So here i am , once again, im torn into pieces, cant deny it,cant pretend, just thought you were the one. Open up deep inside,Ypu will not see the tears i cry...behind this hazel eyes. I love the wae you just understand me, i love the wae you just speak to me...i love the wae you give in to me...and most of all, i love the way you love me.-paradoxical-
Its been quite awhile since i last blogged.......haizz.....im doomed.
Okay, pretty pissed off nowadaes with stuff and craps that seems to be neverending..but what i noe. i am definitely in the mood for mugging....MUG..MUG...MUG. hekz.
So far i gotta .arghh..cant type..wanna watch desperate housewives...!!! chowzz..!!
TOdae was a mixture of sweet bitter nothings.. well.. it was kinda sweet at first..den got irritatring after that i wanted to kill myself...................i swear i did. Over a blardy embrace could a couple such as mine go into a turmoil that it almost landed in hell. We did coz no one would give in...I QUIT...well i never really been givin in..but wadda hellll....My blardy wrists hurt....im typing wit one hand...SHIT! WEN I GOT BACK.WAS ON MY FARKING DIET...AND I GOT RICE PREPARED INSTEAD OF DA SOUP I ASKED FOR.....another ass gone rong.. was farkin pissed at this point..then the lady set home....and gave her BEDTIME LECTURE about being FARKIN FAT...and look at wad shes feeding me with!!! RICE AT MIDNIGHT!!! wAS LIKE FARKING HELLL... i had it..i was gonnha screaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmm!!! But this bloody sunday's her dae.. So wad can i sae,...so i shut the fuck up!!!! THEN IT WAS the blardy attire for school................cover here lar cover der lah...whr cap lah... whr dis lah...dat lah.... long pants lahh.... I NEVER WANTED TO BE HERE IN THE FERST PLACE...SO..............it is ....TOOO BAD!!!! YOU CHOSE IT FOR ME...!!!!!! IM FUCKED UP...TAKING MY FARKING SHOWER....GLAD I DON HAVE A FARKING TAGBOARD.....oh wad da fark! So im fucking leaving.farking pissed.fucking paradoxed-Paradoxical-
The conversation ended a bit like dis....
nad: oka bee..nyte..
bee:nyte ayang...
nad:hmm..bee...
bee: yer..
nad:nak brownie...
bee:nak brownie....oka..
nad:hmm..byee.
bee:bye.
-end of conversation- [i even forgot abt the brownie..]
Well, you cld prolly guessed wad happened next.. he called me the next morning and told me, ayang, uve got a package outside your home. i was like...wadda hell??..but got curious. I went out and there it was....a familiar red box with a famous bakerz brand on the front, 'mrs. fields'. I just smiled and i knew..my brownies were in there...and honestly, i didnt even remembered i wanted them. well, was bit pissed that he sorta just left without seeing me ferst..aniwaez, it was at all the most inconvenient time so i didnt really mind. -I love him... i love him... thankz bee..thank you so so much..- Well, he didnt exactly left..he was at the stairs hiding.. whackz..of coz i went to meet him...miss him..but oso afraid of bein caught..so it was chop chop..and we left each other wit a pretty heavy heart..thinkin..now that were so bz..will we ever have the time to do this ever again?...but i noe..its just a phase..we'll be cool soon.. his tummy got smaller though..hmm...hakz. Is dat da sweetest thing...hahakz......ahahahhahahha...you gotta be kidding me..that was like..almost a waste of time and a waste of transport money..and totally unnnecessary..totally..not appropriate..OH WADDA HELL!!..hell yeah it was... BABY.... yOU mean the werld to me..and i aint trading you wit nothing else in this world... nothing.. even if were not meant to be together, you will always hv a part of you in my heart...this i promise you..-Paradoxical ....................You complete me...................
haiz...pagi2 dah bangun.......tak kejer best tau......hidup...-end- whew....was caught up wit sooo much thinking lately....almost overdosed myself with problems that were almost none of my probs...wad da hell....Been doing self reflection and was looking back in my life, and kinda figured...what ta life...hekz. Well, feel like i could change i suppose?? changes...changes..changes...-end- HAHAKZ... i kinda got distracted with my goals in life... i mean..wad da hell happened to poly..u idiot.. well, apperently.not smart enuf. cld never be. all da cuzz end up in respectable places, while i lay myself in da hands of an instituition dat i noe prolly holds nuthing in my purpose..[shld i be a social outcast, just so i cld sturrdy??hmmm..] Well, how bad cld things get rite?? Office skills...i mean y not...its got muh main subj in it...ENGLISH.. am glad i did better for muh mly den eng for muh oz...hakz..or else id be getting da same lecture i got last yr..well, it started out sth like dis...'bahasa menunjukkan bangsa.kau bangser aper..mat salleh?' da rest of it...u don wanna noe..-end- Look, listen,feel, understand and accept the things you cannot change nad, and maybe life would just turn in to ur favour, if not much, then that little bit will be bliss...coz god just answered a part of your prayer. everythings gonna be okay...
A FABRICATED LIE CREATED TO COAX MY DESTRUCTED HEART...aint it a taste of paradox. welcum to my life.-paradoxical- THIS WERDS ARE MY OWN...
blog lagi....
blog blog lagi..............
asik blog aerrr.......................
bloggggiiiinnnggg...............latar...
Name: PARADOX
Bdae: MARCH 87,22
Nicks: nahh..
Skool: College Central BIshan
Contact: fareshah@hotmail.com
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