[[*PARADOXICATED*]]

Sunday, July 23, 2006

[[I HATE YOU TILL DEATH!!!!!!]]

I JUZ DONT LOVE YOU NO MORE!!

-PARADOX-

i remembered the ferst note i wrote to you as a kid..now read my last...

wtH!! why R YOU TREATIN ME LIKE a freaking 9 yr Old!!

I Hate you!!

Whyd you gotta farkin kick me!!

I hate you!!!

I didnt ASK YOU TO BUY ALL THOSE CLOthes!!!

I HATE YOU!!!

it was comFortable you BITCH!!!

i HATE YOU!!!

i hONESTLY tHOUGHT YOU HAD CHanged!!!

I HATE YOU!!!

i hate you!!!

i don wan you in my life!!!

Call ME ANYTING yOU WANT i DONT fREAKING care no more!!!

I DON CARE BOUT YOU ANYMORE!!!

I DON WANNA CARE!!!

and im not gonna try ANYMORE!!!

UR non-exixtence means nothing to me..

I HATE YOU...

N READ TIS FER THE LAST TIME...

COZ ITS THE LAZ TIME ...

IM EVER CALLING YOU

mom

I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to death!!

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:26 AM|

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

[[You went.....n still looked in my eyes.......wth!]]

I TRIED TO CURE MY PAIN BUT ONLY BROUGHT MORE..SO MUCH MORE..
-Evanessence-
-paradox-

I wish i could remember the the times when i felt real bliss n happiness in my life. As life goes on..it juz gets more complicated...n it lets down a part of me slowly die..every single day... can we work it out? can i werk myself out?...

n now.....Not even i can answer that...

Not even anything.......
-paradox-

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:34 PM|

Sunday, July 16, 2006

[[Why Cant We Be Friends...]]

What a ball of a hEll Of A wEEK iT waS...
-pARADOX-

Baybeats was on its wae...i was on its doorstep..i wouldnt leave without knocking,or a peep...so i snuck out...n took a little peep too many..
-heez-

Im gonna go enroll fer my license...its horrible havin to take da train or bus to school!!! aarrghh~~
have to get it!!aarhhg

Tired..really tiredd....REALLy TIRED.........

PROJECT...GEEZ...

A/C...GEEZ...

LIFE....WEEZ....GEEZ..

WERK.....GEEZZZZZ...

PARADOXICALPARADOXICALPARADOXICALPARADOXICALPARADOXICALPARADOXIC

lIFE'S A paradox u noe...its like a...like a...
like me..

...................................
atleast my life is.

-paradoxical-

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|10:49 PM|

Monday, July 10, 2006

[[almost doesnt count.......]]

I cant keep on loving you one foot outside the door....

-paradoxical-

Have you ever been in a situation when you think you noe someone very well, but in actual fact you noe dat da person may have more then what meets the eye...yeahp dats exactly how im feelin towards you...yeah u.....

Its a lost feeling that you cannot describe..unless u feel it urself. You feel like ur just getting to noe dat someone like hez someone new...ur thinking to urself..like..'was he ever like dis...'? it questions me not only in my thoughts..but in my heart.

It puts me in a very difficult situation wen it comes to the final evaluation coz i wont noe if its da same person that i WANTED to be with....that im going to be with fer the rest of my life?..does this make any sense? nvm..

But you noe...sometimes a change is good..some changes are great while some are for the better....i just hope its all fer the best...amin...

-end-

ITALY VS FRANCE!!!!

France shall be the glorious winner of the World Cup 2006...i noe it..i just have it in my guts....i love..my instincts...muackz baby..

-end-

Project!! gee weez...

-end-

i miss fatt......wen gonna date wit me!!!!???

-end-

bb.....honestly...don be to cute pls....its almost like sissified..sori...but its from the heart...heez...~~~`

-end-

IS It ok fer me to be alone..fer awhile to achieve my dreams....to find myself...to just live my life....to just let me be myself on my own......can you just let me find my own independance..just let me get my amounted freedom that i noe i could get on my own....can you just let me be me... i guess not...

-end-

See..i had this dream that i was going to be this great gerl wit a great life...but things took a turn..and now all ive really got is me, myself n i..n god...

But i feel that ive gone too far..too far from god...

I HOPE to just get back on track.....

n not fell lost once again..

-end-

-PARADOXICAL-

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|1:47 AM|

Friday, July 07, 2006

[[Dat feeling....was..awwweessoommeee....]]

I could live wit a change...some change it was..but wad da hell.i love it..
-paradox-

It felt weird at first...scary...a little..but it was great....totally different like wen u're sitting in car quietly..tuning on the music..n oblivious to ur surroundings.. for the first time...i felt i was moving...hahah...

The first ride from forum to centrepoint was weird..hahha..fer all the obvious reasons..it was wit wee n ...i didnt even noe where to hold him..so i just hold him by the shoulder n figured it was ok rite??Thanks to my straight thinking..i got labelled a 'malaysian' THANKZ ALOOTT!!..how was i supposed to know...it was my first time..
The bike was ok.....an RXZ..kinda small but it was a fun ride.....THANKZ WEE WEE!!!!!

The next ride was from centrepoint to home...OMG!!!OMG!!!that was great...haha.first it was on a slightly bigger bike..an SP....n it wasnt weird...only a little scary coz the one manouvering the bike was a PETiTE little gerl...WAD WAS I to think..but i did not under estimate her abilities....
The ride felt smoother...we were zoming across the road an in between stationary cars.....HAHHA!! i donnoe why but even as i am typing..I could still feel the vibration of the bike...hahahizz..IT WAS COOL.... my first experience.......Im in love wit it...i love it...

BB don be pressured into getting a bike..im not forcing you...coz ive got nano n wee wee!!! hahha!!!haizz...i love you guys....i juz love you guys ALOOT!!!!!

Thankz fer that once in a lifetime experience......i'll remember it forever.......i love you guys.

-paradoxical-

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:39 PM|

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

[[MY CONFESSIONS..MY TOURNIQUET..]]

Like Hadi Said...IF I STOP LYING..I'D JUST DISAPPOINT YOU...
-Paradoxical-

I am going to make the biggest confession about myself....u might not expect it from me..

-This is me-

I used to be once a very fullfilling person.I appreciate evrything thats good in my life..i was willing to forgive..though not always forget....i admit it im only human...I was happy and contented with my way of life...It was there..up there..yes i was happy...Very happy...

Then i fell in love...
My first love, at such a tender age...it didnt mean anything...it was him n me..it was us..he showed it all to me..the true meaning of love..the care that love brings..you....i will never forget...
But you left...
n didnt showed me anything..no signs, no clues, no warnings..you went..n let me fell. I dragged along on you..hoping and wishing u'd come back...u didnt and all i could do was cry..n i promised myself..you were my last cry.

Everything had to move...things had to go on...i learned fro all my downfalls...it was that stage i learned to open up..n be accepted..i was changing...evolving to someone i knew i could never be...but i did..but its hidden..no one noes...but myself.n god..

My Social Peak...
I was 17 going on 18...i changed ..hell yeah i did..no biggie..afterall.ppl change...i was me yet i wasn't. i dont noe how to put it..but that was it...my social circle was expanded...i lived my life with ful of carelessness.i didnt mind it so long as i enjoyed it.....

My first Hard Crush...
You..yeah..u noe hu u are...i tot i loved u...u tot u loved me..we tot wrong...u were there fer me at the right time..n so was i..we were coincidental lovers...We never expected anything to happen..it was an opposite attraction...so strong..not even i can put you down..not even you...and everyone knew..all saw in disbelief...but we didnt care....Afterall, we were more then just frenz..yet not lovers....
Once again..you left......i was devastated...i didnt noe why.but i know that just one day ill get through it....it was todae..3rd July 2006...2 years later....but noe dear..i hadnt laughed at us back then i just smiled n tot it was beautiful...it was..i swear..

i'll continue......
-paradoxical-

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|1:01 AM|

Sunday, July 02, 2006

[[Hey...its ur bisthdae!!]]

-Had a sucky..confusin' dae...blahh!!-
-paradoxical-

It is officially da HOLZ.....im plannin to werk...n werk..hmm..werk ...n werkk..erm did i mention werk? yeah..n werk...
haiz..welcome to my life.
-end-

Fatt's bdae juz passed..happy 19..blahh.!
-end-

Its time like this is wen u miss everyone else..frenz...ur enemies ur classromm..ur teachers...ur mates..ur idiotic noisy peeps....plus those irritatin petty ones...hekz...For all the good things in life that u take fer granted...its regretted wen ur all alone..trying to be a grown up.wen u noe ur not gettin any younger but then u don wanna be old...n you juz gotta live wit it..put ur mind to it..bear wit it...be it.Is tt a good or a bad thing...i think i'll let it ponder fer now..

All this tyme.lookin fer the perfect fren...or perfect sumone..made me realise..life is pretty weird
wen ur lookin noone's der..but wen ur not..everyone comes..its mad..u think ur able to grasp ur fate..but u noe its not up to u..circumstances leads to consequences..n blahhh...arrghh!!

-end-
-paradoxical-

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|11:50 PM|

[[*The Fading Soul*]]

Name: PARADOX
Bdae: MARCH 87,22
Nicks: nahh..
Skool: College Central BIshan
Contact: fareshah@hotmail.com
Status: ATTACHED

[[*My Adores*]]

Food: SR CAKES
Drinks: Apple Juice
Pastimes: Blogging, Werkin, Shoppin, WINDOW Shop, Spend Money, Movies
People: MUMMY DADDY TOT BRO SIS SHAAKIR BB

[[*My Detests*]]

People: PATHTETIC DESPERATE PPL
Things: ......
Food: .......

[[*Music's Playing*]]

//visit Iwebmusic for music

[[*My Past Memories*]]

[[*The Conversations*]]

[[*My Friends*]]

[[*Credits*]]